Basketball Thoughts

I really don't think there's anything wrong with professional basketball today. Nothing. Well, except for the flopping. And the overcalling of fouls on "superstars" (see "Dwayne Wade in the 2006 finals"). Oh, and the fact that all of the talent is currently out west. And that the only talented player in the New York/Los Angeles markets wants to be traded. Well, there's also the fact that teams intentionally lost games in order to improve their draft position. And that the most exciting team to watch (Phoenix) is never going to win a championship. It's like the league has realized that it's more profitable to have a fun game to watch instead of having a good team.

Other than that, though, there's really nothing wrong.

Only in Football

I'm not sure how the most manly testosterone-infused sport on earth can get away with this, but isn't it about time the snap did not involve the quarterback placing his hands between the legs of a bent-over 300-pound man? And Americans laugh at sumo wrestlers in their giant diapers! At least they aren't reaching into each other's nether regions all day long. How did this happen? Doesn't it go against all the instincts of the typical male? And these males are atypical. There's more testosterone per square foot on a football field than any other place in this country. Do you mean to tell me that nobody has ever looked up and wondered how stupid an idea this is?

Are Baseball Players Really Tough?

Have you ever noticed a fight in baseball? There appears to be an awful lot of posturing without much actual aggression. It's like as soon as a pitcher hits a batter, it is the obligation of all teammates to spill onto the field because A) they are bored of just sitting in the dugout, B) their presence will distract from the fact that no fight will actually happen, and C) the fans are bored. When did "America's pasttime" get so soft? Now that Nolan Ryan and Robin Ventura fight. That was something. Unfortunately, I cannot post it without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. Instead I will describe it:

Ryan throws a tight pitch at Ventura. The ball hits him and Ventura frustratedly starts toward first base. After a few steps, Ventura throws off his helment (bad move) and sprints at Ryan. When he gets to the mound, instead of the typical situation where the pitcher cowers and their teammates spill out on the field to distract the fans, Ryan puts Ventura in a headlock and starts wailing away on him. Unprecedented!

What Would Make Hockey Better?

I think a couple of rule changes would make hockey more entertaining to watch. First of all, they should get rid of the puck - it just gets in the way of the checking and the fights. I think the ice is too large. It should be small, perhaps octagonal. The players don't need any padding, either, except perhaps for some light gloves. And in fact, the ice isn't really necessary either. It should probably be one-on-one as well. In fact, forget hockey, I'm just going to watch some Ultimate Fighting.